Adam Osborne

" People think computers will keep them from making mistakes. They're wrong. With computers you make mistakes faster."

Albert Einstein

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.”

“Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity.”

“Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.”

“The process of scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from wonder.”

“A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.”

“A perfection of means, and confusion of aims, seems to be our main problem.”

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?”

“All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded the individual.”

“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.”

“Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.”

“Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.”

“Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.”

“Anyone who doesn't take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either.”

“As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.’

“Concern for man and his fate must always form the chief interest of all technical endeavours. Never forget this in the midst of your diagrams and equations.”

“Confusion of goals and perfection of means seems, in my opinion, to characterize our age.”

“Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater.”

“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”

“Everything should be as simple as it is, but not simpler.”

“Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.”

“Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts.”

“Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions.”

"Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.”

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.”

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.”

“He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.”

“Human beings must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.”

“I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.”

“Information is not knowledge.”

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

“The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is able to receive.”

“A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.”

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.”

“The only source of knowledge is experience.”

“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions.”

“Imagination is more important than knowledge.”

“In matters of truth and justice, there is no difference between large and small problems, for issues concerning the treatment of people are all the same.”

“In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself.”

“Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death.”

“Isn't it strange that I who have written only unpopular books should be such a popular fellow?”

“It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.”

“It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.”

“It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.”

“It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.”

“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.”

“It should be possible to explain the laws of physics to a barmaid.”

“It stands to the everlasting credit of science that by acting on the human mind it has overcome man's insecurity before himself and before nature.”

“It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer.”

“Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift.”

“Knowledge of what is does not open the door directly to what should be.”

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

“Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere.”

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.”

“Most of the fundamental ideas of science are essentially simple, and may, as a rule, be expressed in a language comprehensible to everyone.”

“Most people say that is it is the intellect which makes a great scientist. They are wrong: it is character.”

“Never lose a holy curiosity.”

“No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single experiment can prove me wrong.”

“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”

“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them.”

“One may say the eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility.”

“Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas.”

“Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.”

“Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.”

“Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal.”

“The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.”

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

“The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”

“The environment is everything that isn't me.”

“The faster you go, the shorter you are.”

“The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge.”

“The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms.”

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing.”

“The man of science is a poor philosopher.”

“The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.”

“The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science.”

“The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.”

“The only real valuable thing is intuition.”

“The only source of knowledge is experience.”

“The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.”

“The process of scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from wonder.”

“The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.”

“The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.”

“The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything save our modes of thinking and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.”

“The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking.”

“The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.”

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

“There comes a time when the mind takes a higher plane of knowledge but can never prove how it got there.”

“There could be no fairer destiny for any physical theory than that it should point the way to a more comprehensive theory in which it lives on as a limiting case.”

“There is no logical way to the discovery of these elemental laws. There is only the way of intuition, which is helped by a feeling for the order lying behind the appearance.”

“To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, requires creative imagination and marks real advance in science.”

“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

“We still do not know one thousandth of one percent of what nature has revealed to us.”

“When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.”

“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.”

Andy Rooney

"Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done."


Computer Problems!

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that?  In case I need to fix it again.'

Richard grinned.  'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'

’No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T

I used to like little Richard.

"The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win it, you're still a rat."

 “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”


“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and I shall move the world.”

Arthur M. Schlesinger

“Science and technology revolutionize our lives, but memory, tradition and myth frame our response.”

Ayn Rand

“A building has integrity just like a man. And just as seldom.”

“A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others.”

“Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.”

“Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice.”

“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values.”

“I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

“It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master.”

“Man's unique reward, however, is that while animals survive by adjusting themselves to their background, man survives by adjusting his background to himself.”

“Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver.”

“Only the man, who does not need it, is fit to inherit wealth, the man who would make his fortune no matter where he started.”

“People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk.”

“Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone.”

“The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody had decided not to see.”

“The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity.”

“The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live.”

“The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.”

“The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities.”

“The truth is not for all men, but only for those who seek it.”

“The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt.”

“There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.”

“Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision.”

“To achieve, you need thought. You have to know what you are doing and that's real power.”

“Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think.”

“When man learns to understand and control his own behaviour as well as he is learning to understand and control the behaviour of crop plants and domestic animals, he may be justified in believing that he has become civilized.”

Courtesy of http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/ayn_rand.html

Bill Cosby

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."

"A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

Bill Gates

"I think it's fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we've ever created. They're tools of communication, they're tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user."

Casey Stengel

"All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height."

Charles Kettering

“People think of the inventor as a screwball, but no one ever asks the inventor what he thinks of other people.”

Charles M. Schulz

"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."

Clifford Stoll

“Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.”

Doug Larson

“Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.”

Douglas Engelbart

"The digital revolution is far more significant than the invention of writing or even of printing."

Edsger Dijkstra

“Computer science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.”

Emo Philips

“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.”

Erma Bombeck

"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."


  1. "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!" Short and funny quote by, Homer J Simpson.
  2. "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car" Short funny quotes, Unknown.
  3. "I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."  Short funny quotes by, Zsa Zsa Gabor
  4. "I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father.  He said he wanted more proof."  Short and funny quotes, Rodney Dangerfield
  5. "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," Calvin.
  6. "Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality."  Short and funny quote by, Clifton Fadiman.
  7. "Never stand between a dog and the hydrant." Short Funny Quote by, John Peers.

 Courtesy of http://www.short-funny-quotes.com/top_ten_quotes.html

It's a recession when your neighbour loses his job: it's a depression when you lose yours.

Harry S Truman

Courtesy of http://www.amusingquotes.com/


Buy land. They've stopped making it.

Courtesy of http://www.amusingquotes.com/h/t/Mark_Twain_1.htm 


Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The first law of dietetics seems to be: if it tastes good, it's bad for you.

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but 'That's funny...’

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Courtesy of: http://www.amusingquotes.com/h/a/Issac_Asimov_1.htm


The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term examination paper.  The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, which is that "gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed" or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.  So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.  I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave . Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today.  Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banyan during my freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then option 2 cannot be true, and thus 1 am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.

The student received the only A.

Courtesy of Bradworthy News - April 2000, Chemistry test, http://www.bradworthy.com/user/nonIEbrowser/200004/Science%20jokes.html

George Bernard Shaw

“The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people”

"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul."

Groucho Marx

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

H. L. Mencken

"A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers."

Isaac Asimov

“The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'”

“The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom.”

“I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.”

“Part of the inhumanity of the computer is that, once it is competently programmed and working smoothly, it is completely honest.”

Isaac Newton

“A man may imagine things that are false, but he can only understand things that are true, for if the things be false, the apprehension of them is not understanding.”

“Errors are not in the art but in the artificers.”

“I can calculate the motion of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of people.”

“I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.”

“If I have done the public any service, it is due to my patient thought.”

“If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants.”

“It is the weight, not numbers of experiments that is to be regarded.”

“Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”

“To every action there is always opposed an equal reaction.”

“To me there has never been a higher source of earthly honour or distinction than that connected with advances in science.”

“We are to admit no more causes of natural things than such as are both true and sufficient to explain their appearances.”

“We build too many walls and not enough bridges.”

Courtesy of: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/i/isaac_newton.html

James D. Watson

“Take young researchers, put them together in virtual seclusion, give them an unprecedented degree of freedom and turn up the pressure by fostering competitiveness.”

Josh Billings

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself."

Larry Ellison

“Bill Gates is the pope of the personal computer industry. He decides who's going to build.”

Louis Gerstner

“Computers are magnificent tools for the realization of our dreams, but no machine can replace the human spark of spirit, compassion, love, and understanding.”

Mark Russell

“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.”

Nicholas Negroponte

“Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living.”

Pablo Picasso

“Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Science does not know its debt to imagination.”

Ray Bradbury

“Touch a scientist and you touch a child.”

Robert A Heinlein

“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.”

“A society that gets rid of all its troublemakers goes downhill.”

“An armed society is a polite society. Manners are good when one may have to back up his acts with his life.”

“Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.”

“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss.”

“Being right too soon is socially unacceptable.”

“By cultivating the beautiful we scatter the seeds of heavenly flowers, as by doing good we cultivate those that belong to humanity.”

“Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.”

“Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy.”

“Everything is theoretically impossible, until it is done.”

“For me, politeness is a sine qua non of civilization.”

“I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do.”

“I don't see how an article of clothing can be indecent. A person, yes.”

“I never learned from a man who agreed with me.”

It's an indulgence to sit in a room and discuss your beliefs as if they were a juicy piece of gossip.”

“Never insult anyone by accident.”

“Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.”

“Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do.”

“No statement should be believed because it is made by an authority.”

“One could write a history of science in reverse by assembling the solemn pronouncements of highest authority about what could not be done and could never happen.”

“One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word.”

“One of the sanest, surest, and most generous joys of life comes from being happy over the good fortune of others.”

“The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship.”

“The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.”

“There is no way that writers can be tamed and rendered civilized or even cured. the only solution known to science is to provide the patient with an isolation room, where he can endure the acute stages in private and where food can be poked in to him with a stick.”

“They didn't want it good, they wanted it Wednesday.”

“To be matter-of-fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy - and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.”

“You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having both at once.”

Courtesy of: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/r/robert_a_heinlein.html

Sam Ervin

“Polygraph tests are 20th-century witchcraft.”

Satchel Paige

"Airplanes may kill you, but they ain't likely to hurt you."

Stephen Hawking

“Even if there is only one possible unified theory, it is just a set of rules and equations. What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe for them to describe?”

“I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.”

“If we do discover a complete theory, it should be in time understandable in broad principle by everyone. Then we shall all, philosophers, scientists, and just ordinary people be able to take part in the discussion of why we and the universe exist.”

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”

“It is no good getting furious if you get stuck. What I do is keep thinking about the problem but work on something else. Sometimes it is years before I see the way forward. In the case of information loss and black holes, it was 29 years.”

“It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value.”

“Most sets of values would give rise to universes that, although they might be very beautiful, would contain no one able to wonder at that beauty.”

“My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.”

“One cannot really argue with a mathematical theorem.”

“Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales.”

“There are grounds for cautious optimism that we may now be near the end of the search for the ultimate laws of nature.”

“To confine our attention to terrestrial matters would be to limit the human spirit.”

“I think computer viruses should count as life. I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive. We've created life in our own image.”

Courtesy of: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/stephen_hawking.html

Steve Wozniak

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."

Steven Wright

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

Ted Nelson

"The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do. The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do."

Tom Hanks

“From now on we live in a world where man has walked on the Moon. It's not a miracle; we just decided to go.”

Wernher Von Braun

“We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.”

“Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.”

Yogi Berra

“A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.”